Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
