i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
