in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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