Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
