My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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