if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
