omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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