Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
