Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
