oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
