dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
