1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
