you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my being single is dangerous.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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