Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
