Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
