Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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