i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He better not be in your backpack
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize