She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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