If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
