i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
