im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
