So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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