the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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