Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
