so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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