dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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