So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
