My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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