How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
