I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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