This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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