i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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