Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
