Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
