Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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