i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
