You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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