K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
