Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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