She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
