Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
