You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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