Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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