glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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