Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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