Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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