I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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