So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
