Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
