More tranny stories later!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize