Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
