Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
