Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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