I am puke
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize