she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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