We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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