I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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