my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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