your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I have post one night stand depression
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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