That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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