my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize