jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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