Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, beer. Big fan.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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