i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
