Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
