census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
