i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
