The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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