Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
ok first of all what the fuck
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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