Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He better not be in your backpack
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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