Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
