I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
