I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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