i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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