I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
