I'm drive I can fine osifer
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
