I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
