hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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