Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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