Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize