what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
