Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
